As promised, I have released a new poem! I know it’s been a while, but I’m back, hope you enjoy!
Loving you is uncomfortable like realizing there’s no toilet paper after you’ve already used the bathroom
It is inconvenient like getting a bad tattoo in a time before tattoos could be removed
Loving you is a hailstorm of regrets with no shelter to await it’s passing
It is a car crash with no survivors
And a metaphor with no meaning.
I should have listened to my diary when it told me you were not the home my heart was searching for
Loving you is random like rain only falling on one half of the street
I just watch, baffled wondering if it’ll ever make it to the other side,
It is off beat, just when I think I have it’s code deciphered the rhythm of loving you switches tempo
It is painful loving you, like lemon juice licking paper cuts or sea salt swimming along the channels of future scars.
Loving you is a time loop where every day is a nightmare because I wake up still missing you, still loving you, still missing you, still…
Loving you is a life sentence, it is black bars and keyless locks
it is gavel bangs for heartbeats attempting to call for order
I bet I’ve bled more pens dry writing about what loving you has done to me than you’ve shed tears over this, us.
Tell me, did loving me hurt you this bad?
Were my eyes ever trigger happy to your soul?
Did the memory of my love leave death echos haunting your heart?
Did loving me ever leave you feeling like you were breathing with punctured lungs?
Loving me must have brought out the liar in you
Because I remember you told me I was beautiful I replied that I was broken
And you said what’s the difference? That the beauty was in between the pieces of me glued back together.
And I believed you because loving you makes me foolish, it makes me hopeful, it makes me human.
I remember the first time I ever laid eyes on your flaws
Do you remember how I never held them against you ?
I fell harder for you instead.
I’ve got the scars to prove it housed in picture frames packed away in a box I only find the courage to open on the days that I’m missing you, but when am I ever not missing you?
Loving you is a full time job making minimum wage even on the best days where I come in and do overtime I still never get what I deserve
It is dissatisfying to love you, do you know that?
Is that why you pushed, why you fought like hell to free your heart from my grasp?
Were you aware that loving you was this excruciating?
If so love, why didn’t you sound the sirens sooner,
Before my innocent take on matters of the heart became distorted
Twisted and contorted so much so that I couldn’t tell the difference between loving you and hating myself
I want to go back to the moment our eyes first locked
And look away.
No, that’s a lie.
I want to go back to the moment our eyes first locked
And do everything the same
Because loving you, as much as it makes me a martyr, is something I can’t undo
We wore each others imperfections perfectly but
Even on our worst days we were beautiful
Some would argue broken
But I say, what’s the difference?
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